Big Walls, Big Feelings
For a while now I thought my very first mural was for Avid Cider’s Handplanted event, but turns out I need to go much further back.
When I was 10, my family moved into a house in St. Anthony, MN. My dad had gotten a job as a local firefighter and needed to be closer to the station. Before we brought in all our furniture, my brother and I each got to paint a wall in our new bedroom (we were still sharing at this point).
To this day, the fact that our parents let us do that at the young, uncoordinated ages of 10 & 11 is still one of my favorite things about them, and is something I absolutely plan to emulate when I earn the title of Dad.
Painting tropical beach sunset murals since day 1
Recently, I was fortunate enough to visit my dad in Florida and once again paint on a parent’s wall. I’d like to think my skills have come quite a long way since painting that first beach scene, but sure enough, after 22 years, the subject matter hasn’t really changed a bit. Those full-circle feelings certainly made this mural feel extra special, but unfortunately this is the part where things get heavier.
After years of firefighting, breathing in some of the worst substances a human can, my dad was recently diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis. As far as I understand it, pulmonary fibrosis is essentially like living scarring on your lungs that steadily grows until the thickened, stiff tissue makes it so you can no longer breathe on your own and eventually at all. This is obviously heartbreaking news, but thankfully after many tests it does seem to be progressing slowly. While the average life expectancy is 3-5 years, we’re staying optimistic that he still has 5+ years ahead of him. But still, even though technically we’re all dying simply because of the passage of time, having a diagnosis like this and an estimated time limit makes it so much more apparent and top of mind.
Throughout the painting process, I’d wake up each morning hearing him dry coughing in the next room, starting each day with thoughts of the finite reality of life. Thanks to good ol’ therapy and mindfulness meditation, I’d acknowledge those thoughts and make an active choice to focus simply on gratitude, reflecting on how unbelievably fortunate I am just to be spending time with him, let alone painting on his walls amidst the uncertainty of the world right now.
I think ultimately gratitude is what’s going to get me through this in the end, thinking about what a massive privilege it’s been to have him as a dad in the first place. So as hard to wrestle with as this news is, it added a-whole-nother layer of meaning to this mural. Getting to do this for my dad while he’s still with us, adding art to his place that captures his fun-loving, #SpringBreakJohn personality, was immensely special to me, more than I could probably ever articulate. Thinking about the finality of life, especially in the context of my dad’s life, made this mural and the whole process all the more amazing & rewarding.
